Gripe Vine

Blame your son - I'm just the girlfriend!

I generally make a point of refusing to take responsibility for buying gifts and cards for my boyfriends family, not because I don't like them but because it's not my job. It's bad enough that I am the general household calendar for all events, birthdays and special occasions, it is not my job to faff around trying to find presents and cards for his family when I've already got 7 family members of my own to track down gifts for every year. However, while I'd like to believe that if he doesn't get them a gift or a good enough gift or a card or forgets their special day, then it's not my problem; that the blame will be placed on him as a bad son. But the truth is that, to a mother of boys, it is expected that the girlfriend will ensure her stupid son comes up with something and comes up with something good! If a son makes a present faux pa, such as those mentioned above, it's almost as if his mother is more disappointed in the girlfriend than in him, and although I'm griping about it, I kind of understand why! You see she knows that you remember everyone's birthdays and still you allowed her son to forget/get them a present from the $2 shop/refuse to get a card because he 'doesn't do cards'. Why do we take on these responsibilities? If you didn't teach your son to be thoughtful, that is your own fault as a parent - don't put that on me! And besides, you can always tell when the girlfriend has influenced the present buying decision - don't you want something that your son bought you because he thought of you and thought about the things you liked and put all of that information together to find you a very thoughtful gift?

The other part of this is guys who do it to themselves. I know guys who are perfectly self-sufficient, who always remember birthdays and always buy thoughtful gifts. But it seems that along with the addition of a girlfriend into their lives, a 'don't think for yourself' switch is also installed in their brains and they unload all of that wonderful information onto her, and she's often more than willing to accept (actually sometimes she's the force behind the unloading). All of a sudden they're asking their partners when their mother's birthday is, what they've got planned for the weekend and where they left their shoes! It's like when you go out somewhere together and he asks you to carry his phone, his sunglasses and his wallet in your handbag. Why carry it himself or make unsightly bulges in his pockets, when you have a much bigger and more effective handbag in which you can carry it for him. That makes sense doesn't it, and you're usually more than happy to carry them in your wonderful bag until such time as he needs them back again. Are women just handbags for men's personal information? Hanging on their shoulders everywhere they go just always at the ready for him to dip his hands in and find whatever he needs? Are we a substitute for the male memory? Or are we the martyrs? Are we just control freaks feeding our controlling desires by being the driving force behind every decision he ever makes?