What's in a Man

As a newly inducted member of the Perth Single Scene, I've had a fair deal of time on my hands to do some thinking. You know, about who I really am as a 'single' after all those years as a pair, about who I am as a woman (I'm not the high school girl I remember and that's probably a good thing) and about what I really want in and for my life. My life as I knew it has certainly changed and, although it's tinged with a touch of sadness, I'm enjoying all the new and exciting possibilities of having more space to just be me.

Although I'm not looking to fill my 'man vacancy' any time soon, the other day i got to thinking about what I would look for or want in a man, or what my potential criteria might be in any case. I thought about what I had learnt from my previous relationship about compatibility and common ground, and I thought about what I would and wouldn't be willing to compromise the next time. Strangely enough all I could come up with was a list of things he must like in the culinary department! That's right, never mind about his endearing qualities, what he does for a living or where he sees himself in five years, I just want to know that we're 'cuisine-compatible'. I can hear you laughing, my girlfriends did the same when I told them. But in all seriousness, I've come to believe that commonalities in culinary preference are quite important in a relationship - after all, food is what brings people together. Or maybe it's just that me and food are such great friends, I wouldn't want anyone to come between us. What can I say - I love to cook (maybe that's the little Greek in me coming out to wave her magical wooden spoon wand) and I hate being limited in my cooking repertoire.

So here's what I came up with:

• Must like seafood (fish & prawns are essentials - it would be better if you also liked mussels and oysters but if you've got the first two, I can compromise on the others).
• Must like Japanese cuisine (those who know me well, know how much I love Japanese food).
• No vegetarians - I appreciate the good deed your doing for society at large, but if you don't eat any meat at all it's a deal breaker (I come with a little Greek in me and you'll need to keep him happy with a lamb roast once in a while).
• However, that said, meat and potatoes every night does not a meal make. Must appreciate the option of a non-meat meal and not be afraid to put a little salad on the side of that steak dinner. (My vegetarian lasagne is absolutely bloody awesome!)
• Must not be afraid of a little spice (chilli is your friend, remember that).
• Must like some fruits (you don't have to eat an apple a day but fruit and dessert are synonymous - and baby, I love dessert).

So those are the must-haves! I don't think that's really too much to ask, do you? ;)
Coupled with that are a few other small things I thought of (once I managed to pull my hungry little brain away from my stomach).

• Must be gay friendly (I'm not asking him to get down and boogie in a gay bar, but appreciation for everyone's choices without criticism is basic human courtesy).
• Can't be addicted to computer games (nothing wrong with a little x-box here and there but everyday is not an option and neither is all day Saturday).
• You car is not more important than your girlfriend (nothing wrong with car appreciation but if you'd turn me down to watch the V8 Supercars you fail).
• You must be able to remember my birthday (and not just because it's the same date as one of your mate's) as well as those of your family - I'm not a weekly reminder system, that's what the calender in your phone is for.
• Taking me out for dinner is not just for special occasions, sometimes you should just do something nice because it's a nice thing to do (and trust me - it'll score you some brownie points).
• And if you don't like Fremantle, I don't like you.

So there you have it, a no-fuss, no-nonsense, straight forward list for a man. Summed up and in no uncertain terms, basically the way to my heart is through my stomach!

Toxic friends

It's come to my attention that every woman seems to have one 'toxic friend'. You know the one; she's the 'friend' who always tells you your bum does, in fact, look big in those jeans, even if you haven't asked. She's the one who always criticises your opinions, lifestyle choices and decisions and as such you make every excuse under the sun not to have to see her on a Saturday night. The one who you breathe a sigh of relief over when she leaves & bitch to your family and friends about pretty much every word she said while she was there. She's the one who can never be happy for you or anything good that happens in your life. That's right it's all about her, Her, HER, and you just about can't stand the sight of her, let alone her voice!

.... And yet, you seemingly refuse to de-friend 'The Toxic One', regardless of the big yellow 'POISON' sticker flashing on her forehead and the steaming green-tinged cartoon fumes pluming from her ears. The fact is that every time you're within 100 metres of her you feel your fingers start to tingle in a desperate attempt to reach for a protective plastic jumpsuit, full face mask and all, to avert the danger of her oozing radioactive filth and turning everything to shit!

I've got to say, I'm fairly blessed with my group of girlfriends. Somehow I seem to have managed to escape the fumes of the toxic women I've misguidedly befriended throughout the years, which has left me with a quaint but quality group of girls. However, I know among the lives of my family and friends these hideous women seem to be lurking, and not so much in their shadows. It wasn't until my Mum changed states that she managed to detach herself from one such woman, granted that wasn't her initial reason for moving but it was certainly an added bonus! So why do women continue to do this to themselves? What purpose do these toxic friends actually serve and why would you continue to be 'friends' with someone who consistently shits all over your every parade and makes you feel like a lost, inferior little girl?

Is it because you get yourself in too deep with the friendship and all of a sudden your husbands or partners are friends and you alternate years for who's house Boxing Day is at and there's just no easy way out?
Is it because women get to a certain age in their lives and the inevitable confrontation is just too hard?
Or is it because Nelly-no-friends figures shit friends are better than none?

Maybe it's just because every Superwoman must have her Kryptonite. Does every woman secretly have a part of her that needs someone to make her feel shit. Are we all just tall poppies in need of a dirty great big pair of scissors to come along and cut us up and leave us crippled on the cold, hard, barren, dusty earth? Or is it because women are just so damn self-sabotaging? As a species I really do find us to be the sadists of the world, intent on hurting ourselves and making our own lives shit. Nobody is forcing us to befriend toxic people, we gulp hungrily from their cans of poisonous scum all of our own accord. Are women really that bored and deranged that they remain friends with these hideous people simply so they have something to bitch about? Or are they just so determined to seek the approval of someone it seems so impossible to please?

If more women actually took the time to enjoy their own company, rather than seeking the gratification or company of others, if they stopped trying to fill the 'void' with toxic people and found joy in their own self-appreciation through focusing on the people who really do care about them then, in my humble opinion, the world would be a much less sadistic place, if not a better one.

Australia says no to domestic violence and Little Bird says no to shitty friends! That's one small step for me - one giant leap for all womankind!